I thought I’d try and take a slightly humorous approach this month, because given the state of the world, sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.
With a little over a week before Thanksgiving, if you’re already having anxiety about how to survive the experience with family members who you have deep disagreements with over politics, religion, football, etc, instead of avoiding those topics altogether, if you happen to find conversations turning heated or awkward because you’ve ran out of benign topics like the weather, consider de-escalating the situation with some historical perspective to lighten the mood (I recommend a comical delivery just to be safe).
But before I discuss how to do that, let me explain my thought process.
One of the most regrettable truths about our human existence is that relationships get ruined and damaged from issues of the day that years later looking back no one would argue over.
For example, would anyone today seriously argue in favor of keeping slavery? Or in favor of denying women the right to vote?
Abraham Lincoln used to tell a lot of humorous stories with a message in them, and one that he used to tell is about how one time he saw these two drunken men arguing at a tavern and it turned into a fist fight that spilled outside into the field.
In the course of the fight they each took off their overcoats and threw them on the ground.
At the end of the fight (which didn’t have a clear winner), they both picked up a coat and stumbled away, but without realizing it they had each taken the other man’s coat.
Lincoln used this story to point out how both major parties over time could wind up trading positions on issues, no matter how stridently they used to uphold their old position.
Now let’s say you’re sitting at dinner and your cousin brings up one of today’s hot button issues.
Everyone freezes and the room gets quiet. You notice your aunt giving your cousin a look.
That’s a perfect time to chime in and say something like “instead of talking about that, let’s play a game and try to think of what the most controversial topic was from Thanksgivings past. What do you imagine the most controversial topic was around the Thanksgiving table in the year ____?”
By the way, did you know the first official Thanksgiving was proclaimed by President Lincoln in 1863 so that we all celebrated it at the same time, because from 1621 until 1863 all of the states celebrated it on different days? On that basis I would have to imagine that in 1863 the Thanksgiving proclamation itself was even controversial!
My favorite fact about that first official Thanksgiving was that all along the front lines, while the Union soldiers were celebrating, the Confederate soldiers held their guns out of respect, even after 2.5 years of terrible war to that point.
Whatever happens with your Thanksgiving this year, I hope you remember to keep your cool and appeal to the better angels of your own nature, because 50, 75, or 100 years from now, the issues causing hurt feelings today won’t even be on anyone’s mind. Now pass the gravy, please.
Perry Waag 